My little guy will sometimes say to me, “I didn’t do it on purpose, Mommy.” Sometimes that’s true. Lots of times it just isn’t true. I’ve been thinking a lot about choices… choices about little things (do I want to go to bed now or play my guitar for just a little while longer?) to big things (how am I going to keep managing full time work when my little guy starts school and has homework 4 nights/week?). There are so many choices that I just make on autopilot, so many that I don’t even think about. So when I’m faced with what seems to be a big decision, it’s that much harder because so many things in life just happen – I don’t do them “on purpose.”
The thing is, so many times I’ll start by looking at a decision to make, and I often feel as if I have no choice but to do a certain thing – which in many cases is exactly what I DON’T want to do.
In reality that’s almost never true. There is almost always a choice to make. But somewhere along the line, I came to believe that I was SUPPOSED to do certain things. I learned to not see other choices. And now, as I think about balance and pursuing my passions, I have to retrain myself to look for the choice everywhere.
In this always-on, 24/7 world – at least for me – it is way too easy to fall into the habit of believing that I have to respond to that e-mail immediately, not let the cell phone go to voice mail… and heaven forbid if anyone should have to wait 5 minutes for a response from me. But what about the people sitting right beside me – what are they doing while I’m busy responding to everyone else? Yes, each decision to pick up the phone is just that – a decision, a choice.
Of course, now that means that I am responsible…accountable…for each and every choice, for my own success in life, for good balance, and ultimately for my own happiness. I have to own that. I have to wake up and be conscious of the decisions I am making. And it’s hard… but really, why should I expect anyone else to take control of my life for me?
I’ve got a feeling that it will be worth it in the long run. And I’ll do it on purpose. Now… to define the purpose…
I’ll let you know how it goes.