Stop the bus, I want to get off!
All that stuff about purpose from last time is really biting me in the butt. I’m not one to complain in public, at least not without having some goal in mind, and a sense of how to solve the problem. So lately, I have had a few days where I feel like I am going through some tough times. Not tough like life-or-death, or health issues, so don’t worry. Just life running ragged, non-stop. A setback here, another there on the road of life. There aren’t enough hours in the day (are there ever?). Things are piling up with no end in sight. And yes, sometimes I feel alone in that I don’t think she can talk about it (oh no, what if people know that I’m not always happy and chipper?). Yes, I do know, I’m not perfect and that’s only my problem and I have to get over it already. I’m working on it…
I have been thinking a lot about what I wrote about making choices and being purposeful with them. It’s hard to think about purpose when I feel like life is coming at me 250 million miles and hour, and I can hardly breathe. But I at least think about it. Awareness is important with purpose. I know not every decision is a great one, but at least I am AWARE of it, not beating myself up over it. I am taking a few moments to think about purpose, and what the purpose of this current struggle is for me. Even if it’s the last waking thought before I fall off to sleep – the thought is there.
What else do I do?
I stay up too late writing music. Music, any art of creation, really, is solace. Thank goodness I have such a release to use when I feel like I can’t possibly face another day with another setback. I talk to friends about music, share stories, and make any effort I can with the energy I have left to connect with people.
What else do I do?
I spend a lot more time hugging my boy. Sitting with him. Listening to him talk. Hanging on every word. Appreciating the new camp song he learned today. Watching how he picks things up with hands that are so much bigger than an infant’s. Thinking about the first day of school fast approaching and hoping things will turn out well for him in 1st grade.
Music and hugs. It all sounds so simple…and it’s not, but I know I’ll have a better bus ride today because of them.