Purpose…

On purpose.

My little guy will sometimes say to me, “I didn’t do it on purpose, Mommy.” Sometimes that’s true. Lots of times it just isn’t true. I’ve been thinking a lot about choices… choices about little things (do I want to go to bed now or play my guitar for just a little while longer?) to big things (how am I going to keep managing full time work when my little guy starts school and has homework 4 nights/week?). There are so many choices that I just make on autopilot, so many that I don’t even think about. So when I’m faced with what seems to be a big decision, it’s that much harder because so many things in life just happen – I don’t do them “on purpose.”

The thing is, so many times I’ll start by looking at a decision to make, and I often feel as if I have no choice but to do a certain thing – which in many cases is exactly what I DON’T want to do.

In reality that’s almost never true. There is almost always a choice to make. But somewhere along the line, I came to believe that I was SUPPOSED to do certain things. I learned to not see other choices. And now, as I think about balance and pursuing my passions, I have to retrain myself to look for the choice everywhere.

In this always-on, 24/7 world – at least for me – it is way too easy to fall into the habit of believing that I have to respond to that e-mail immediately, not let the cell phone go to voice mail… and heaven forbid if anyone should have to wait 5 minutes for a response from me. But what about the people sitting right beside me – what are they doing while I’m busy responding to everyone else? Yes, each decision to pick up the phone is just that – a decision, a choice.

Of course, now that means that I am responsible…accountable…for each and every choice, for my own success in life, for good balance, and ultimately for my own happiness. I have to own that. I have to wake up and be conscious of the decisions I am making. And it’s hard… but really, why should I expect anyone else to take control of my life for me?

I’ve got a feeling that it will be worth it in the long run. And I’ll do it on purpose. Now… to define the purpose…

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Kim Jennings, Guest blogger
http://www.kimjenningsmusic.com
http://www.birchbeerrecords.com